Fantasy Cabinet Draft

For those of us familiar with "Fantasy Football," it seems to me a fun idea to pick Cabinet positions for the Obama Administration with no regard to reality.

So here's my picks for Cabinet positions:

1. Secretary of State: Fareed Zakaria. After a month he'll realize how hard foreign policy really is, and he'll quit, at which time Tiger Woods would get the nod.

2. Secretary of the Treasury: Rich Uncle Pennybags. Obviously.

3. Secretary of Defense: Godzilla. Obviously an immortal monster that can shoot death rays out of its mouth would be a good candidate to defend this country.

4. Attorney General: John Sherman (via time machine). Goes to work on big corporations.

5. Secretary of the Interior: Bruce Lewis, Ducks Unlimited President.

6. Secretary of Agriculture: Bruce Banner, no Cabinet would be complete without at least 3 superheroes.

7. Secretary of Commerce: Anthony Spilotro. Already familiar with Chicago politics. Amalgam of jobs 7, 8, and 9.

8. Secretary of HHS: Position Eliminated

9. Secretary of HUD: Position Eliminated

10. Secretary of Transportation: Frank Bullitt.

11. Secretary of Energy: Richard Simmons. Who else on earth to lead this department than the most energetic person on the planet?

12. Secretary of Education: Detective John Kimball. Because if you can teach discipline to Kindergarteners, surely you can lead the Education wing of this nation.

13. White House Chief of Staff: Edna Mode. Someone this obsessed with her work would be perfect.

14. Chairman of the Federal Reserve: Jack Kemp.

New cabinet posts created

15. Secretary of Space: Yoda. Who more intergalactic wisdom has?

16. Secretary of Secretaries: Ben Bernanke. His job is the be the patsy of the new administration. Every time something goes wrong...Just Blame It On Bernanke!

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Note to Isolationists: Don't Expect Star Wars.

The probe headed for the moon, sent by India, is on track for a lunar orbit (not landing) in the next week.

Relax, panicking Pentagon officials and news outlets!

India's neat trick, which is actually a follow-up to Japan and China both putting satellites in moon orbit in late 2007, is a technological feat that should be applauded.

However, before we all start sweating and looking into the night sky in fear, remember this:

America put a human into moon orbit 40 years ago last month. Americans walked on the moon 7 times before 1972 was over. Americans have two rovers wandering around Mars. In terms of the space race, the Chinese, Japanese, and Indians are really just toddlers.

Nevertheless, this raises a very exciting issue for me. Is there a chance I could live to see the Earth's first Star War? Is there a chance I would be recruited to fly an X-Wing starfighter against Japanese T.I.E interceptors? Will I be chosen to lead an assault on the Indian Death Star before it destroys the planet Alderaan? Will I be able to resist the temptations of the Dark Side of the Force?

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One last thought on yesterday

After they called it for Obama at 10:02 CST, I turned to The Abstracted Wife, who was at the computer working on homework, and said "honey remember where you are right now because our kids are gonna ask us."

This morning, here in the Midwest in an affluent neighborhood, at a middle-class job in a male-dominated industry, I don't see a lot of reaction, just a lot of quiet faces doing their work and not talking about their loss. I don't really feel like the awesome, radical act of last night has sunk in fully; how can it when there is literally no one around me to talk about it with?

Well anyway, congratulations to America for being the shining light of democracy in an increasingly undemocratic world.

Where was I when Barack Obama got elected? I was sitting on my couch, marveling at the fact that Brit Hume's face must be at least 18 inches from chin to forehead, and looking forward to going to Chicago this Friday.

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Fox News

Am I the only one that was watching Fox News and cringed every time Megyn Kelly went to the big board and showed demographics in exit polls?

"Amongst white voters, 63% for McCain, 36% for Obama."
"And amongst Young Voters, 59% for Obama, 40% for McCain. You can see Obama's polling very well there."
"But amongst White Evangelical Christians, McCain is doing very well, up 60% to Obama's 39%, a spread of more than 20 points."

How incredibly racist. Where was the Black Evangelical Christians demographic? Or the White atheists demographic? Because, you know, we should all be concerned with what the white evangelical christians are doing with their votes.

Later, Megyn was talking about a different state:
"Amongst the white voters, you can see that Obama and McCain are neck and neck, at 49% each. But many urban precincts are still reporting, and urban areas usually have a large black population."
Somehow that offended me too.

Anyway, by and large Fox News was fun to watch, as Brit Hume And The Defeatists gave up essentially from the minute Pennsylvania went to Obama. I was expecting to see them fight the facts at least until California polls closed, but they had Obama up 200 EV to McCain's 93 fairly early in the night, and were actually calling Obama victories in states (North Carolina and Indiana) where other stations like MSNBC were much more hesitant.
However once California closed and they called the election for Obama, I switched over to MSNBC, which was shooting close-ups of people in Grant Park. The Abstracted Sister and TPI were supposedly there with The Abstracted Nephew, and I would have loved to see them.

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Wacky Californians

Seriously, California is just about the only place outside of Western Europe where people worry about things like chicken rights. California Proposition 2, aka Standards for Confining Farm Animals, makes a requirement that farmers design their pens for pigs, calves and chickens in such a way the animal can freely sit, stand, or extend its limbs fully.

Now I don't know about you, but out here in the Midwest we don't give a crap if our animals can do any of that. Free range chickens are one of the most annoying animals on the planet. 63.6% of Californians believe chickens need more room to stretch out. My guess is that 63.6% of Californians have never actually seen a live chicken. I would go further and suggest that now that Proposition 2 has passed, each California citizen be required to catch a chicken. Those god-forsaken animals are impossible to catch, are spiteful, and usually prefer to be eaten by foxes than to placidly sit in their coop and lay eggs.

But with all humor aside, this is a terrible idea, and the majority of Californians don't see it. Many speculate, like Megan, that it will drive the cost of eggs up around $0.25 a dozen. What's a mere quarter a dozen, they say? But they do not factor in the bakeries and breakfast buffets and myriad of other businesses across the country with large-scale operations using thousands of eggs a day. Companies like Interstate Bakeries in Kansas City, a producer of Wonderbread products, estimates that on a busy day they use upwards of 2,000 eggs.

Times a quarter, times 365 days...equals a cost increase of $182,500. Now I'm sure the math isn't that simple, but the point is laws like this have a massive concentrating effect, like the way a little DDT killed mosquitoes, which grew into greater concentration in mosquitofish...which grew into greater concentration in salmon, which then destroyed the eggs of salmon-eating eagles.
Maybe you and I the consumer will not feel the pangs of a quarter increase, every other week. But when bread, cake, rolls, and every other product using eggs also increases in price...then we'll notice.

All so that chickens can flap their wings.

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Hangover

I think a map of Missouri's voters by county is always neat after an election. Missouri is the most bi-partisan state I can think of.

Speaking of Missouri, congratulations to TAE's fraternity alumni Sam Graves, who was reelected to his 5th term in the U.S. House for Missouri's 6th District.

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The Cougar

Oh my gosh! Sarah Palin is healthy! I want to change my vote!




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